Entries categorized as ‘Social Anxiety’
Since I didn’t have to attend church growing up and wasn’t told why other people did, I have had to catch up on religion. For years, I had no interest in religion. I was apathetic and ignorant. I also felt insecure because it sure seemed like I was the only one without this knowledge and experience.
As an adult without a church, it seems wrong to “shop” around reading about what this church believes or that church is against trying to find what fits me. I’ve learned that I can pick and choose. It isn’t necessary to live by someone else’s dogma. Anyway, I wasn’t planning on going down that road today. I just wanted to write about my morning in church. 
It was good social anxiety therapy this Sunday for me to go (by myself) to the Methodist church near where we live. It’s only the 2nd time in several years that I have attended a church service. It was not an easy thing, walking through those doors, but I did it. I was the only newcomer, so I was greeted by a “Purple People Greeter” and presented with a coffee mug full of mints. I was greeted by several people and heard many “Glad your heres.”
Are people always so nice in church? I have a feeling that many people are nice at church but turn back into animals later in the day.
All in all, I had a better experience when I attended the Unitarian Universalist church in St. Louis, found online here, two years ago. This is what they’re all about (from the website), which fits me perfectly.
Unitarian Universalism is a caring, open-minded religion that encourages you to seek your own spiritual path. Our Faith draws on many religious traditions, welcoming people with different beliefs. We are united by shared values, not by creed or dogma. Our congregations are places where people gather to nurture their spirits and put their faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place.
I think our family may begin to attend this Unitarian church. Though the people at St. Lukes Methodist church were extremely nice, I don’t see myself returning. Still it was a good experience for me.
Categories: Good Karma · My Life · Social Anxiety
Tagged: church, God, methodist, Social Anxiety, Unitarian
Finally this week I visited a dermatologist, Dr. Schaberg, to have some moles looked at. I have been putting this off for, oh, I’d say 15 years. Social anxiety and close scrutiny of my body by a stranger is an awful scary mix. I didn’t know what to expect because Jennifer’s dermatologist even examined between her toes. She had to strip down to her underwear. So I was expecting similar treatment.
I did my best to keep my anxiety at bay during the days leading up to my appointment, but still I was a little nervous. To make it worse, Ainsley, who would a day later be diagnosed with strep throat, started showing signs of being sick 20 minutes before my appointment. The kind of sick that you can see right away by looking at her eyes. 
As always, everything worked out fine. The doctor, who used to work as a beer chemist, came in and left it up to me to show her any suspect moles. It took her a quarter of a second to see that the one mole I was worried about was nothing to be worried about at all. I lifted my shirt to show her my back. I showed her my stomach and chest. They took a picture of one particular mole and a quick snapshot of my front and back. She asked if there were any moles on my legs that she should see and I said no.
Then I said “Could you please see what’s between my toes?” Just kidding.
I have a couple of brown spots above my eye brows that annoy the hell out of me. She barely glanced at them before she blurted out the name for them. I went in with a goal of leaving with a script for Retin-A. I left with some free samples of that along with samples of a bleaching cream and some kick-ass moisturizer. She also informed me that she could laser the brown spots off of my head for $30 each. I think that’s a bargain, so I’ll probably do that and forget about this annoying cream.
So apparently I’m skin cancer-free, which surprises me because, in the back of my head, I’ve been living with skin cancer for, oh, I’d say 15 years.
Categories: My Life · Social Anxiety
Tagged: cosmetic surgery, dermatologist, laser, skin cancer
- I’m thankful for the symbolic change of season that comes with the beginning of the school year. I love summer, but once the dog days of summer arrive, it’s hard for me not to peek ahead to autumn. I’m grateful that I just realized that there is a lot to love about all four seasons. No more complaining about the weather for me!!
- I’m thankful for Chloe’s enthusiasm for school. Today, two times, she said “I wish it was Monday morning.” I have never heard that from another person. Ever.
- Though I had dozens of negative social anxiety-induced thoughts today in Wal-Mart, I was surprisingly conscious of them as they occurred. This is a big step at fighting back at them. The thoughts that plague me again and again concern how I appear to all those people wandering around even though they’re all in their own little world. As I waited for my paint to be viscously shaken by that machine, I would suddenly be aware of the way I was standing or something silly like that. It sounds so bizarre, I know. The key today is that I was aware of these thoughts.
- I’m thankful that I took action on the dang cat litter problem that bugged me last week. A couple of weeks ago, I switched to an expensive wheat-based kitty litter, thinking it would be better than the scoop-it-yourself Petco brand. Wrong. It didn’t clump as well and it didn’t control the stinkyness as well. So last week it was “I got to get to Petco. I got to get to Petco.” Today I switched back to the old kind and scrubbed the two litter boxes squeaky-clean. Yes, we still have four cats.
- I’m thankful for the 45 minutes I spent in Border’s with a hazelnut coffee and “The Complete Idiot’s guide to the Psychology of Happiness.” It was heaven.
- I’m thankful that I didn’t get annoyed when Polly (the brown, polydactal tabby) somehow managed to rip the “O” key off of this laptop. I’m stoically typing this post without it now. I have no idea how to fix it. Any ideas? I’m thinking: NEW LAPTOP! WOO!
Categories: Animals · Good Karma · My daughters · Social Anxiety
Tagged: grateful, happiness, kitty litter, petco, social anxiety disorder, thankfulness
All eyes are on me
Not really, just in my head
Feels like you hate me
Yeah, that’s a good way to sum it up in only 17 words. I don’t even remember if I have wrote about this disorder here on the blog. Nothing too substantial if I have at all. To those who suffer from it, I feel for you. It’s not fun. I have “general” s.a.d. and that means that it affects pretty much everything I do. Many people have a specific area that is screwed up by s.a.d. like they have trouble eating in from of other people. I could name dozens of examples.
Let me break down the haiku. The first line is how I feel most of the time outside of my home. When I walk outside to retrieve the mail, for example, it feels like the neighbors are watching and judging me. Of course, they’re not, which the second line clearly points out. I’m sane enough to know that my thoughts are irrational; they’re also impossible to control. The third line means that when I’m feeling judged it’s always negatively.
I realize that this blog is all over the place: nutrition, consumerism, my daughters, fitness, and now social anxiety. I was just listening to a podcast called fat 2 fit radio. It’s a very good podcast. They were talking about blogs and suggested that you stick to a single subject. I though “Oh man, I’m really screwing that up.” Let’s just call it my public journal in my fight for happiness. Journaling is great therapy. I hear that over and over.
Categories: Social Anxiety
Tagged: fat 2 fit radio, podcast, social anxiety disorder, social phobia
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Categories: Meditation · Social Anxiety
Tagged: Derek Walcott, Love Thyself, poetry
ALDI cart system
Okay, it’s only a quarter, but it’s a beginning. See, I want to help the world. I want to be a good person. I want to make people happy.
If you’re not familiar with the grocery store, ALDI, they do things a bit different in their 850 U.S. stores, all geared to save money. One example is their shopping cart system. All of their carts are chained together and require customers to deposit a quarter into the “quarter slot” to free a cart from the chain. When you’re done shopping and your groceries are in your vehicle, you return the cart, chain it to the previous cart, which releases your quarter.
They also do not accept credit cards.
A mother, a full cart, and her toddler-aged son were ahead of me at the checkout. She had no cash and only a credit card. No way to pay. My first reaction was to offer to pay for her stuff. I really wanted to.
I didn’t.
I didn’t because people just don’t hand over $75 to complete strangers, do they? I know she wouldn’t have let me. I surely wouldn’t let a stranger pay for my groceries in that situation.
I want to be that person who offers to pay for someone’s groceries.
Ultimately, she left her cart and the store to get cash. She was frustrated and her son was being a bit wild. I felt sorry for her.
On the way out, quarter in hand, I bent over and put it on the yellow parking line right outside my door. Hopefully, it fell into the hands of a nice person, a person who, perhaps, didn’ have their own quarter that day.
It was only a quarter, but it felt good. I feel like it’s the beginning of something good.
Categories: Good Karma · Social Anxiety
Tagged: aldi, helping others, shopping cart, Social Anxiety
